Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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