As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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