He disabled his match.com account in front of me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
