Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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