Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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