you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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