why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
