I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
