i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So squirting runs in the family.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
