but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
