you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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