She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
