Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
