Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
