I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
id be glad to
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
