singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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