I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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