I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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