Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
