Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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