I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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