he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
