Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
only if we run a train.
done.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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