i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
