How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
