I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
