I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
