I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
