swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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