You made me cry and you don't even care
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
