I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize