I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
