Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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