btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
