So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
