cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
please don't ironically join a cult
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