I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
operation harelip BJ is a go
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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