Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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