just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
