I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
