I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
