I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
