So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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