I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
