dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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