My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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