This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
