Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
