i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize