in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The Olympian is in my bed
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
