just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
