I wish my penis had an off switch
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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