i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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