After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
