some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
