Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
