why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
