Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
