dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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