I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
