he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
