smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
