Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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