I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
