i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
