Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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