yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
