Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
