im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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