Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
