Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize