that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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