I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
